Stop stretching my dreams

I'm not completely delusional. I know the chance of me ever owning or even driving something like a Veyron is slim to none.
But there was recently a crime against a car, I've not only dreamed of owning, but even found ways to make my dream come true.
Since its rebirth in 2001 as MINI, I've been obsessed with mini coopers. That's right, I've played the games on the website, built my dream MINI and even my MINI robot.
But this past November, as I walked through the L.A. Autoshow, I stumbled (almost literally since my eyes were glued to the BMW 1 series) into the latest of the MINI line, the Clubman. Someone should club the designers at MINI in the head.
Let's review the top selling points of a MINI, shall we?
1. Go-kart like handling (this makes the MINI a lot of fun to drive)
2. Great gas mileage (about 32 city/40 highway)
3. Compact size (great for weaving in and out of traffic and parallel parking)
But the new Clubman is lacking one of those selling points, (maybe two, I can't really vouch for the handling as I've never driven one).
The MINI Clubman is almost a whole foot longer than the MINI Cooper. And while it is still smaller than most cars, like the super sedans it just looks wrong.
The Clubman has a small, reverse hinged third door on the passenger side, and while it makes climbing in to the backseat easier, I think it takes away from the MINI idea.
The back of the MINI Clubman also opens differently. It has two doors that swing out, instead of one that just lifts up. OK, I admit, that doesn't really bother me too much. But the reasons behind it does.
The Clubman offers significantly more cargo space. Some of you may be wondering why I'm so against cargo space and I should tell you, I'm not. But like the four-door supercars, I just don't think a MINI is the place for cargo.
I'm having trouble understanding why all these manufacturers are trying to make their cars as useful as Batman's belt. Some cars just aren't meant to be practical, learn to love them for that. Stop trying to change everything about these cars.
If you have a lot of crap to haul, but something bigger than a MINI. Don't take a rally car and make it a truck.